March 15, 2005

Unintentional Moments Can Hurt You

What do you do when you've insulted someone or hurt someone? Leave it alone? Will it heal

itself? Probably not. Emotional healing can take years with no intervention-and these are wasted

years!

We can hurt people with our words. I know we occasionally say things we wish we could retract.

Maybe in the heat of the moment, we express cruel or extreme words. Later, when we cool off, we

wish we had rephrased those words so they weren't so hurtful or damaging to the relationship.

We can hurt people with our actions. We occasionally jump-the-gun and behave in a way that

leaves the other person angry and resentful. We can shout, slam a door, abruptly hang up the phone,

omit them from the group...and the list is as endless as your imagination.

Once we cool off, what has happened to that relationship?

Here are the facts!

You must make 7 Emotional Deposits after making 1 Emotional Withdrawal.

Stephen Covey, author of 7-Habits of Highly Effective People, explains "Withdrawals and Deposits":

Emotional Withdrawals (hurtful words and deeds) include:

* Unkindness and discourtesy

* Breaking a promise

* Violating expectations

* Disloyalty

* Duplicity (talking about someone behind their back)

* Demonstrating arrogance, pride, and conceit

Emotional Deposits (deeds that build trust) include:

* Showing kindnesses and courtesies whenever you can

* Keeping your promises at every juncture

* Honoring expectations

* Being loyal, especially to those who are absent

* Making apologies

* Returning things you borrow

"Sorry!" is a quick fix...but it's only a beginning. You now continue to make other deposits until the

relationship is back to normal. Saying, "I'm sorry" is just the FIRST of SEVEN DEPOSITS that are

needed to rebuild the other person's trust and good will.

Holding a grudge is immature. Yes, you have the right to be careful around those who have hurt you

or demeaned you -- and you have the right to step back from the person who has hurt you. However, if

you decide to carry a grudge, YOU are carrying the heavier burden. It's a useless expenditure of your

energy. What good is it doing to carry it? The most mature and positive thing to do is "Move On".

There's a lot of living to do, so I encourage you to get on with it. Your family and your colleagues need

the best "YOU" possible.

THE LESSON IS THIS.

Once a relationship is damaged, it can be time-consuming to restore. It's more effective, over

the long-run, to be careful not to damage a relationship - because it will take much more of

your time to set it right. I encourage you to begin now making Emotional Deposits into that

relationship! You'll feel great, and the riches that can be surfaced are unimaginable!

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